A Summer for Relaxing Playlist:

1. Marconi Union - Weightless 
2. Airstream - Electra 
3. DJ Shah - Mellomaniac (Chill Out Mix) 
4. Enya - Watermark 
5. Coldplay - Strawberry Swing 
6. Barcelona - Please Don’t Go 
7. All Saints - Pure Shores 
8. Adele - Someone Like You 
9. Mozart - Canzonetta Sull’aria 
10. Cafe Del Mar - We Can Fly

I feel like a million balloons are keeping me from touching the ground.  There are so many thoughts going through my head its hard to cap them. It’s one am, everyone is asleep and I’ve literally been crying for the past three hours. The amount of medicine that pumps through my veins constantly is enough to tranquilize a small baby elephant.  My poor hands look like a heroin addict shooting up from my weekly visits to the hospital for surgery. I know what your thinking by know… And Welcome to my Pity Party. It’s my blog so I can do what I want!

Where do I start to undress my thoughts for you? About two weeks ago we were told that I had exceeded the amount of Stellate Ganglion Blocks I have been having every week. This specific procedure has been the only relief I have had in over a year and a half. Hearing that news was like tearing down a strong wall. So far this disease has written several chapters for my journey in life teaching me to be strong and intrepid. It has definitely “thickened my skin” but news like this just breaks you.

It’s like we finally found a solution and then it became temporary.

“Don’t let unexpected events throw you off course. Rather, respond calmly and confidently, remembering that I am with you. I help you cope with whatever is before you. This is how I live in you and work through you. This is the way of peace.”

Psalm 112:7; Isaiah 41:10

I would love some peace.

Today was one of those days where I felt defeated. I let this disease have the best of me and I felt shipwrecked. I balled my eyes out for hours and thought as if there was no resolution. This world can really have a handle on you and leave you emotionally sick. Thinking back on it, I realized I wasted prized time on feeling tightly jailed. I’m honestly no good at pity parties so when something unravels everything seems to fall apart.  Why can I not be rational and Strong? I wish there was a place in my head to go when I erupt. Sort of like a safe house in my head that locks out all fallacious emotions. 

I cannot put into words what God did for me today other than saying he found me. It’s supernatural, it’s awe-inspiring, and it’s love.

“ IN ME YOU HAVE EVERYTHING. In me you are complete. Your capacity to experience me is increasing, through My removal of debris and clutter from your heart. As your yearning for me increases, other desires are lessening. Since I am infinite and abundantly accessible to you, desiring Me above all else is the best way to live.

It is Impossible for you to have a need that I cannot meet. After all, I created you and everything that is. The world is still at my beck and call, though it often appears otherwise. Do not be fooled by appearances. Things that are visible are brief and fleeting, while things that are invisible are everlasting.” –Jesus Calling

“ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. “ – Ephesians 3:20

“ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. “ - 2 Corinthians 4:18

SOMETIMES YOU CANT CHOOSE WHAT STAYS OR FADES AWAY

Trigeminal Neuralgia is a rotten disease to live with. I’ve been having a heck of a time dealing with the pain, so Last Tuesday I had my Fifth Surgery. The pain level was well past a ten and the third Stellate Ganglion Block did not work. Why not have another one right? Yesterday I was in the shower and after dealing with intense amounts of pain my cheeks went numb.  ( and it wasn’t my butt cheeks) I honestly just started to cry. I was so overwhelmed with happiness and relief, the waterworks turned on and it was all for the Lord. I cant imagine what this disease would have done to me without so many people supporting and praying for me. It would have torn me apart. But with strength from my God and Others I was able to stand strong and courageous. And despite how hard this illness is on me, I will continue to fight it with my armor on and an army behind me.

After my surgery The Mister’s Mom and Dad came and visited me. They brought us a delicious BBQ Lunch and a beautiful bouquet of flowers. When it comes to Aaron and his Family I am so spoiled. And I love it! I got so Lucky with his Family and I cant wait to call them Mom and Dad! Only six more months.

There’s nothing more that I love than hanging out with my nephews. Harper had his third Birthday Party this past Sunday at Roger’s Park in Beaumont. There was Candy, Cake, Piñata’s, Fun, Arm-Pit Farting and Babies…Lots of Babies! The weather was perfect outside; sunny yet not a single sweat hit the brow. I was so excited to share a smile and hug with most of the family. Kaden was there (my eldest Nephew) and I forgot how big he has gotten and it just made me feel old. It was a good time.

I’m missing the Mister and the Pup like crazy! They have no idea how much Momma Bear loves them. Yes that’s what I call myself. Aaron is Papa Bear, I’m Momma Bear, and Meadow is Baby Bear! We are one of those people who you call CRAZY DOG PEOPLE. It’s so hard not to be when you have such a good little pup. Meadow is honestly the love of our life.  Being so far away from Aaron and not seeing him everyday has been so hard on me. Distance definitely does make the heart grow fonder. But it never mentions how it makes your heart ache. 

We are planning a trip to the beach in a couple weeks and I’m so thrilled.  I want to grill, make a fire, roast s’mores, go fishing, bathe in the sun, and go boogie boarding…There are so many things this world has to offer and I can’t wait to spend those moments with him.